Letters

Dear Santa,
Please give me back my hips, the ones that Max gave me are too big, if you could find my old ones so that I can wear some different pants it would be greatly appreciated. Also if you could throw in a non flabby stomach and feet that are a size 7 and not 7.5 that would be great. I have to sell all my shoes because my feet are to big now.
Signed,
A new mom
......

Dear Max,
Please stop growing so fast. Today I found you standing in your crib and I didn't put you there like that. You are attempting to walk and while that is great for your development, it is sad because you are no longer a baby. Love/d you as a baby.
Signed,
Mom
.......

Dear mailman,
Could you please bring me my mail before 5 p.m. each day. I would like to read my mail before I eat dinner. Thanks.
Signed,
A resident of Moore (suburb to OKC)
........

Dear Honey Baked Ham,
I look forward to eating one of your hams on Thanksgiving, I just hope that it isn't to expensive when I finally go to pick it up. Thanks.
Signed,
A person who hasn't eaten a Honey Baked Ham in 7 years
.........

Dear Mother Nature,
Please be kind to New Hampshire in January or really the whole east side of the country, as my family and I will be traveling there for a friend's wedding. So please, no major snow storms or icy roads as we will be doing a lot of traveling up that way and would like to be safe.
Signed,
A concerned traveler

Random Thought #10 - Tim's Damn Alarm Clock

Okay so I have been wanting to do this for a while now and I finally have the time and, this morning I got the reminder to do it when Tim's damn alarm clock went off.

So in college I had an alarm clock, in fact I still have the same one. It has a setting for 2 different alarms, very convenient when you want to take a nap in the afternoon. Anyways, I place my clock across the room so I could still see it if I woke up before my alarm but I would have to physically get out of bed to turn it off. It was my own way of "making myself get up". Mind you there were many times I laid back down and went back to sleep but in turn I only hit the 'Snooze' button on the clock and usually by the third time getting out of bed I would just wake up cause I was tired of getting out of bed.

Well Tim leaves for work between 6-630 a.m. every day. It takes him about 40 minutes to get out the door by the time he does his morning routine and it is about a 10-15 minute drive to base. So he usually gets up about 5-5:30 a.m. sometime earlier depending on what he has to do. Tim has 2 alarm clocks (he doesn't have a cool clock like mine) and currently I'm ready to beat him to death with both of them.

The first one goes off at 4:50 a.m. He rolls over and turns it off. The second one goes off at 4:55 a.m. Then the first ones goes off again at about 5:01. The second one goes off again at 5:07 and then the first one goes off again at 5:15. This pattern of randomness continues till about 5:30 when he finally rolls out of bed. What's the point!? I mean by this time you know you are awake, get your ass out of the bed and honestly by 5:07 I'm awake too cause I don't get up till 7 a.m.

So what is the point of have having your alarms go off for about 40 minutes if you are still going to get out of bed at the same time you did when you only had one alarm. I mean set it for 5:20 and if you hit the snooze button it should only go off twice, in theory. Sometimes I wish I could understand. I guess we all have our ways. Whatever.....

p.s. - I just want to let everyone know that I finally spelled convenient right without having to look it up in the dictionary. Yes this is a big deal because if you know me you know that I'm the worst speller and have a dictionary next to every computer that I work at. Because when spell check can't correct the word for you, you know you have a problem.

Random thought #9 - A Day for Everything

Now I understand that there are days that people need some sort of recognition (Mother's Day, Father's Day, Secretary's Day) or a day to remember whatever, mostly a lot of people who died (Memorial Day, Veterans Day, Patriot Day). Then there are certain people's birthday's that are national holidays (Columbus Day, Martin Luther King Day, Presidents' Day). Then there are the more commercial holidays like Valentine's Day, Halloween, and to some people Christmas.

Now these "holidays" are okay. I understand why we have them but did you know that tomorrow is World Book Day (March 5). Did you know that there was a National Scrapbooking Day (May 11)? Did you know that they have holidays for pets. For example:
January 14-National Dress Up Your Pet
March 23-National Puppy Day
August 26-National Dog Day

Now we are not only doing days, we are also have specific months that observe everything. Here is March: (I only put the funny ones in to show you how stupid it gets)

• Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig
• American Red Cross Month
• Employee Spirit Month
• National Caffeine Awareness Month (<---This one is just funny)
• National Craft Month
• National On-Hold Month (<----Who came up with this one?)
• National Umbrella Month

Others that I found humorous

• Emotional Overeating Awareness Month (April)
• International Pet First Aid Awareness Month (April)
• IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) Month (April)
• International Pooper-Scooper Week (April 1-7) (seriously!?)
• National Moving Month (May) <---a month for just moving
• National Candy Month (June)
• National Steakhouse Month (June)
• Potty Training Awareness Month (June) <--- cause this is when you need to be aware of potty training your children...come on people!
• Garfield the Cat Day (June 19)
• I Forgot Day (July 2) <--- sure you didn't forget it
• Embrace Your Geekness Day (July 13)

The list is endless and can be found here. The point I'm trying to make is well, do we really need a month, week, or day for everything. I mean come on here people, do we really need International Pooper-Scooper week. I mean I know I have to scoop poop year round with my 2 dogs but is there like a convention or something for those international pooper-scoopers.

So to end my rant about absolutely nothing, if you get an email about today is hug your cyber friend, or get hit in the face on International Snowball day in August, please think about this, because someone actually had to sit down and think up 'I Forgot Day' (July 2). Honestly can someone really think up a day that they forgot about.

Random Thought #8 - The Firehose Windsheild Wiper Sprayer

I was going to work this morning and it was kinda icy out so I was going slower than normal. Then I got behind a guy that was going even slower, like 30 mph. Now I know that ice isn't anything that you want to mess with but come on....30 mph.

I think we need a little background information to truly understand why this is a random thought. I live in England, obviously, I have said this many times and you can read it in the 'About me' part of this blog. England is a cold, wet, dreary, and at times dirty country, the roads especially. There are constant tractors pulling potatoes, pigs, chickens, etc. There are always horses on the road pooping, and there is ALWAYS a dead bird of some sort on the road either dead or eating the dead bird, possum, or whatever happened to run across the street no fast enough to not get hit by the tractor going -5mph. Hey I never said they were smart animals.

My car is constantly dirty, and not the dirty like, oh a bird pooped on it dirty. I mean dirty to the point where it looks like I went mudding through this great field, which I didn't because, I drive a Honda Accord and I would more than likely get stuck and there would be no point to this story anyways, not that there is much of one now. Seems like a lot of background info for this stupid thing I'm going to gripe about. Oh well, I'm already this far and you must still be really bored to even have gotten this far in the story to begin with. Where was I? Oh yeah, dirty car. So you drive behind people and they spray water on your windshield. It's fine really, but for the simple fact that it is dirty spray with dirt in it. Like gray dirt and brown dirt and sometimes black dirt. Sometimes it is just fun to see how long you can stare through the dirt then spray your windshield to see if you guessed the right color dirt that is on your windshield.

That is where this is going, spraying your windshield with the blue stuff. I go through about 3-5 bottles a year. Yes it is a lot and I use it often. But I don't share mine. Let me explain. See when I spray my windshield with the fluid (<--that a funny word to me) it only goes on my windshield. I just have 2 streams of fluid (hehe) that go on to either side of my windshield. It may not get all the windshield but that is where the half pull of the lever comes in. Come on, I know you know what I'm talking about. If you pull the lever hard and to its max you are going to get a stead hard stream on your windshield. If you do a half pull or kinda quick pull you only spray towards the bottom of the window. It is like tapping the brakes. Tap...slight jerk.

Okay, now to the point. So I spray other people's windows with my fluid, so why do they feel the need to do it to me when I'm behind them. I know they aren't doing it on purpose. I blame the car companies because they are the ones that install fire hoses as their sprayers. Really, do you feel it is necessary to have to spray the roof of your car and the car behind you. What is the point really? Do you need to see out of the roof to drive. If you do, let me know what kind of car you are driving because I want one. What I hate even more is when you are on the highway and you get stuck behind the guy that won't move out of the fast lane and to piss you off more than you already are because he is in your lane, he is constantly cleaning his window. Seriously! Is that really necessary, get the hell out of the way so I can get my potential ticket like the rest of the idiots who are behind me and pissed at me cause when you clean your window, I have to clean mine and going down the highway at 80 mph, I do tend to share some of my fluid.

In closing, here is my letter to BMW, Audi, Honda, etc.

Dear car companies,

I would appreciate it if you would stop installing small fire hoses as the fluid dispensing device to spray the windshield wiper fluid on to your cars. You are really costing your customers more money in the long run because you are giving all the fluid to the people that drive behind them. This is just a suggestion unless you are selling special BMW blue stuff.

Sincerely,

The girl who drives the Honda

Random thought #7 - Changing the 'Roll'

I thought about making this post all about things that I really hate to do but I kept dwelling on one main thing that I hate to do so I figured I would elaborate on that....

CHANGING THE ROLL....any type of roll....

I was sitting on the toilet (no this isn't going to get graphic so you can keep reading) and I went to grab some toilet paper to do my business and there were only a few sheets left. I used the rest of the roll and then reached to the side of me where the new rolls of toilet paper are. I grabbed one and started to use that with the few sheets of TP that were left on the previous roll. Now normally I would put the new roll on top of the other roll. I know that it only takes 10 seconds or less to put a new roll of TP on the stick thing, (What is that thing called anyways?) but alas, I'm that lazy that I don't want to do it. I have to make a conscience effort to put the new roll on the stick. Sad I know.

What irritates me even more is the 'rule' between Tim and I about changing the TP roll, whoever uses the last sheet, changes the roll. And when I mean the last sheet, I mean the last sheet. As long as no cardboard is showing, the roll isn't ready to be changed in my house. So it is a competition, as is everything in my life, to see who can not change the roll the longest. So Tim, being the smart ass that he is, will leave just enough TP on the roll to not have to change it, knowing that I will have to change it because he knows that I can't just use 2 1/2 squares of TP to wipe. Damn that man.

Ahh...but payback can be a bitch...I never change the paper towel roll in the kitchen. That takes longer than 10 seconds so I don't do it. I just go and get another roll of paper towels and just leave them on the counter. This doesn't normally go over well with Tim, just as the 2 sheets of TP left on the roll doesn't go well with me. But what are you going to do right...

Small victories, small victories....

Your Lipstick/Chapstick Shape??

Okay, so I thought I would so something fun today. I'm not a make-up person but I like my chapstick, just the plain blue one from Chapstick. The black one has the SPF in it and you can taste it, thus, why I don't like it. Anyways, the shape is always the same on mine and I have heard about this, that the shape of your lipstick/chapstick says something about you. Here is what I found out...

Oh yeah and I'm a Flat top Concave

Sharp Angles both sides = Spiritual, Curious, Seeks attention, Mysterious, Loves life, Big ego

Flat top concave = A great detective, Make friends easily, Inquisitive, Adventurous, Complex, Exciting

Flat Top = To the point, High morals, Very dependable, Quick minded, Loves challenges, Careful about appearances

Rounded tip to a point = Loveable, Family oriented, domestic, A “doer”, Stubborn over little things, Exaggerates, Needs people around

Sharp angled box curved tip = Creative, Enthusiastic, energetic, Talkative, Loves attention, Falls in love easily, Helpful

Sharp angle tip = Opinionated, High-spirited, Dislikes schedules, Selective of friends, Outgoing likes attention, Argumentive

Rounded smooth tip = Easy-going, Peacemaker, Even tempered, Steady, Likeable, Generous

Slant close to original shape = Abides by the rules, Great follower, Doesn’t like too much attention, A little self-conscious, reserved, Schedule driven, May occasionally want to attract Attention: dye hair, new outfits.

Which one are you??

Random thought #6 - Microwave Minute

10.....9.....8......7.........6........5......4.......3......2......1......open door....

Do you ever notice that when you put something in the microwave and you stand there and stare at it you think it is going to go faster. Like the microwave is going to heat your food faster if you stand there and look at it. The microwave has a secret hidden camera inside of it to know that you are standing there staring at it so the camera tells the microwave brain to make the timer go faster cause this person is hungry. Right???
Another thing with standing there watching your food cook thinking the timer is going to go faster now that you are looking at it. Why is it that we have to open the door when there is only 1 second left. Is it that important that we have to have our food right then and there that we can't wait one more second?? I mean you have just waited a minute (really 59 seconds) for your food, what is one more second. I know I have done this many times but why? What makes it even funnier is that you know that you can't hit the button to open the door at 3 seconds cause that is too soon, but 1 second left is acceptable. Just a thought...??

Random Thought #5 - Powder Blue Cars

Have you ever noticed that people that drive powder blue (really really light blue, almost baby blue but slightly lighter) cars are really old and if they aren't old they look older than what they are? I noticed this today on my way to the post office. I saw this woman who is probably in her mid to late 30s and she was driving a a powder blue whatever car. She looked like she was about 55.
Now I'm not saying that 55 is old but I think you get my point. My other thought was that do you ever notice that the most popular powder blue cars are typically cars driven by the older generations (I'm trying to be PC about all of this, I'm normally more blunt than this).
For example, how many powder blue corvettes do you see? Not to many, most sports cars are red, black, midnight blue, purple, white, etc., but not powder blue. Now thing of how many powder blue Lincolns you see. Yes normally the Lincoln is one of the luxury cars with really darkly tinted windows and lots of leg room, but you can also flip that. You could also see you grandfather driving the powder blue Lincoln with no tinted windows of course. I think the same thing about a Cadillac. My grandparents drove one that was this color. I'm just saying...

My TV Secret

Now we all have those shows that we watch that we don't tell anyone that we watch cause well, let's face it, they are stupid, shallow, and sometimes embarssing. My show is The Hills. I know what you are all going to say, "Why do you watch that crap?" I tell them I don't know, I just really like it. I love Lauren. Now sure why but she is a very likable person. And I know that we aren't getting all of the story when we watch the 25 minutes each week and that there is more going on than what we know but I still find it very intriguing.
The thing that I hate the most is when you are watching you "stupid show" (that is what Tim calls them) and some one calls and you say, "Hey can I call you back in about 20 minutes the uhh uhh...news is on and I'm trying to watch for the weather." When in reality, your stupid show is on and you are just too embarrssed to tell them what you are really watching.
The other thing about these shows is that most of the time you have to watch them by yourself, or at least I do. Tim whines that whole time they are on (thank god for re-runs) and I know there are certain shows that I can't watch with him. My stupid show is one of them and when he is watching something that I don't care for I just get up and leave.
Now don't get we wrong I watch the shows of substance as well such as House, CSI, CSI: Miami, Cold Case, Lost, etc. (okay Lost might be on that fine line of stupid show as well, I mean seriously...Others). Anyways, just had this thought while in the shower and thought I would share. I have these weird thoughts often but I forget to write them down so I can blog them later.

Another thought I have been meaning to get out is that I could never be a surgeon. I have the most unsteady hands ever. The incision in the person I would be operating on would look like a zig zag. There another thought out of my head. Have to make more room for my other stupid/random thoughts.

Random thought #4 - Missed Mileage

Monday Tim took my car so it could get it's annual MOT, basically an inspection that we pay $100 for here in the UK. I had sewing class that morning so he left me the truck as we sold our other little Honda (yeah!). As I was driving I looked down at that mileage and it was 99995. Well I got all excited because I was going to be the one to see it turn to 100000 miles. The more exciting part is that I was going to see the mileage turn to 99999. How cool is that? I think the last time I got to see numbers like that on a dash it was 44444. Well I got to sewing before it got to all 9s. So I told myself, "Okay self, remember to look down as you are driving home so that you see all the 9s." I then thought to myself, I wish I had brought the camera so I could pull over on the side of the road and take a picture of it. Again yes, I know I'm weird.
Sewing class over...get in car...drive away...about 1/3 of the way home look down, SHIT! 100004...DAMNIT! I missed it! So my random thought, don't you hate it when you miss the mileage that really mean nothing but seems like a big deal at the time. Oh well....guess I just have to wait for 111111, not as cool as the 9s though.

Random thought #3 - Vaccuming

A few weeks ago a friend of mine emailed me about vacuuming. He said that often times when he vacuums and sees something interesting he picks it up examines it and then puts it back on the floor. He said, "I just picked up this weird looking thing, why didn't I just go and throw it away? I did just bend down but no, I proceeded to put it back on the floor and vacuum it up."
I wrote back with many thoughts on this.

1. I don't pick anything up when I vacuum. Instead I run it over numerous times to see if the vacuum cleaner will pick it up, no matter how big. Oh that 2" diameter and 4" long stick will make it in the vacuum. And if it doesn't then we will continue to run it over until (a) the vacuum cleaner sucks it up or (b) the vacuum cleaner gets jammed and I have to stop all together to fix it.

2. When vacuuming I also do not move anything. Case in point, today (which bought this whole post on), I'm vacuuming this room and there is a basket of clean laundry that just needs to go up stairs. Do I move it to the stairs that are about 20 feet away from me? No, I just vacuum around it. Yes, I can be that lazy.

3. Everything in life is a competition, no matter if it is with yourself or someone else. I like to see which room has the most dirt. Yeah I know, I'm strange. I have a bagless vacuum cleaner (high recommend BTW), so I have the option to empty it whenever I want. The thing to do in the house is to vacuum one room then take the container out and go show the other person in the house how much dirt and dust you sucked up. It's gross but it keeps things interesting. The other person usually makes a face and says, "Gross!" and then the person vacuuming empties it and then proceeds to the next room to do the same thing seeing which room has the most dirt.

4. I have this thing that I can't put the vacuum cleaner away if it has dust/dirt in the container. I mean if it were a bag and I couldn't see it that would be one thing but the fact that I know I'm storing dirt in my house just kinda grosses me out. Yes, again, I know I'm weird.

So my random thought...I'm sure my mother is laughing her ass off when she reads this. Hi Mom!

Random thought #2 - Does gum expire?

Now I like gum. I don't chew it everyday, I'm not one of 'those' people that have to have something in their mouths. Anyways, over the years I have found that I like mint gum and for many years I would chew only Winterfresh gum, then I went to the dentist.
The dentist told me that I should/needed to switch to a sugarfree gum. I agreed and the proceed to drill the 3 cavities that I had. I decided to switch to Orbit.
I like Orbit, the commericals are GREAT! I have always found them funny and they have a TON of different flavors that you can chose to chew. I went through many flavors and at the current moment I couldn't tell you what is in my purse, but it is some sort of mint.
So back to my original question, does gum expire? I was driving to the base with bad coffee breath so reached for my gum. I chewed it, seriously, for about 45 seconds and it proceed to get hard and become difficult. This is my sign for the I to spit this piece out and put another one in.
I know I have had this gum for a while but I come on now...45 seconds and I'm spiting that piece out and putting in another. What's the deal? I went through 4 pieces of gum in about a 2 minute period for me to feel like my breath with semi-minty. So I ask you does gum expire or was this just a random thing that only happened to me with this one pack of gum?

Random thouhgt #1 - What's your Mango?

I have these often and usually share them with a friend of mine but this person is apparently very busy at the moment so I thought I would share them with you.
I was making my breakfast this morning, the usual, coffee, bread of some sort and a piece of fruit. Usually it is a banana or a small cup of applesauce, grapes if they were good, today it was a mango.
The mango was only introduced to me about 5 or 6 years ago from my MIL. My mom never gave them to me when we were growing up, not sure why, she never did tell me but whatever. I like mangos but I hate the process of finally getting to eat a mango. First thing in the morning, I want food and I want it now!! This is why I struggle to make eggs in the morning, you have to cook them (I'm slightly lazy, can you tell? and very cranky if I don't get food and coffee first thing).
Anyways, I saw the mango there last night and I thought that I'm going to have the tomorrow cause I'm not throwing it away because I was lazy as I have been bitten my green bug and refuse to waist anything that can be eaten or recycled.
I wake up, start my coffee, and look for the potato peeler to peel my mango. Another thing that I'm not a big fan of is slimy stuff. Just don't like the way it feels. So I start to peel the mango, doesn't take long. I cut all the pieces off and I cut everything off. I cut it down to the pit. There wasn't much left on that thing when I was done with it.
Once I was finished with my mango, I put my whole wheat bagel (doing the diet thing too, as always) in the toaster and wait. Everything is all set and ready to go. I eat the bagel first then on to the mango.
WHAT A MANGO!!!
It was so good, I had almost forgotten what it tasted like. I really enjoyed my mango.
I think the mango is like alot of things in life, you have to work at what is really good. So I encourage you to try something you haven't had in a while. What is your mango?